V Day (Intro to Vegetable man)

Tonight, my Valentines date is with a 2yr old! As a singleton I felt it only fair that I offered my babysitting abilities to my best friend so she and her husband could go out for a romantic and much deserved date night. Now this little boy is a joy to be hold and I undoubtedly could be doing worse than spending the evening ensuring his safety however it is a reminder that I am spending another V day card and flowerless. I spent most of yesterday feeling pretty bummed out about this fact but then I reminded myself that I could have a boyfriend if I wanted to. I just choose not to. I have had dates of late where the men have wanted more but I have decided for one reason or another that they just weren’t for me. Take ‘Vegetable Man’ for example.

The Match

This one also cropped up on my Tinder. His pics were a mix of  sullen looking up close headshots and far away ones of him with groups of men…his work colleagues. He appeared to be a Fireman/Paramedic and had a pretty hot topless shot of him which looked like it came from some kind of charity Fireman calendar! Cringe factor was certainly high but he looked hot and I had been on a swiping left frenzy so I thought I’d give this one a chance. Swiping right it was an instant match.

The Chat

Within about 4 mins of the Match I get a message.

“Hiiii. I swiped right on you about 3 weeks ago and had been hoping we would match”

Ok this is either creepy, sweet, or a genius opening tinder chat up line. I decided to opt for the middle choice.

“Ha, aww that’s sweet! How are you doing, the past 3 weeks must have been tough for you”

“Hahahah. Ah I survived, at least I can stop checking my phone every five minutes. How are you doing? Any plans for your weekend?”

“Heading out for dinner with some pals tonight which should be fun…you?”

“Ah my son and I are gonna watch X factor and have a quiet night in”

Hmmm I’m not sure which is worse the fact that he is watching X factor or that he has a son. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not naive, I know when you get to my age people are going to come with all kinds of baggage and the minefield of men with children out there is a treacherous route to navigate. Again don’t get me wrong I love kids, I have tonnes of nieces and nephews and I absolutely want kids myself some day.

But when you first meet someone who has a child so many questions crop up in my over exerted little mind, such as…. Deep breath….What age are they? Are they still co-dependent, do you have shared custody, if not, why not, are you a bad Dad, were you a bad partner, do you get on with your ex, if you do that might be awkward and if you don’t why not, would I get on with her? Am I ready to be a step-mother, would the child like me or reject me. I’d always be a second priority because the child should always come first, do I want to be a second priority, what if we had children how with his child adapt, what if he didn’t want any more children cause he already had this one….so I replied and said.

“Oh you have a son? That’s cool.”

“Yeah he’s my pride and joy, he’s 11, his Mam’s away with her husband for the weekend so we’ve been having some father and son time”

Ok what I can glean from this is the kid is still kinda co-dependent, but at least we’re not talking nappy territory…11 is a good age. Seems to get on with his mother who has clearly moved on with her own life and he seems to be a loving Dad. Ok this is fine so far.

“Ah nice, that’s cute. Are you from Dubin?”

“Yeah I’m from Coolock, a proper Dub, you?”

“I’m from Dublin too, from the southside”

“Ah you’re a poshie so..”

“Ha! A poshie, eh no I’m not thank you very much”

“Ah ye are I can tell from your pics. Nice pics btw”

“Thanks! So you’re a fireman, thats pretty hot. <excuse the pun>”

“Ha! Yep been a fireman for 15 years now, tough enough but pays the bills”

“15 years wow. Wait, how old are you?” His profile said 38

“38! Joined up straight after school”

“Ah ok cool. Right listen sorry to cut this short but I gotta run and get ready for my night out with the gals, nice talking to you, here’s my number if you wanna take this over to ‘Whatsapp’. The online dating equivalent of moving to another bar if we had of met on a night out :)”

“Ha deadly, yeah, nice one Poshie, have a good night yeah”.

He messaged me the next day when I was dying of a hangover in bed and in absolutely no mood to be all flirty and quirky over text so I didn’t reply.

By the time the next day rolled around and I was getting up for work I got an early morning text. “Morning Poshie”.

Right so any men out there reading this, just so you know, texting a girl you don’t know at 7.30am on  Monday morning is probably not the most advisable thing.

Again I didn’t reply. I just couldn’t be assed. That’s the cold hard reality of online/tinder dating. You really have to be in the mood for it. Like a bowl of pasta. When you are in the mood for it it’s just the quickest, easiest most delicious thing. But when you’re not it takes forever to cook, it all sticks together, and it becomes a gross stodgy ball of gluten which you lose interest in after two mouthfuls. That’s what being on Tinder is like.

But I gotta hand it to the guy he had tenacity cause he messaged me again a few nights later. This time on a Thursday night when I was watching First Dates. Bingo! Prime time to message me cause I can dual screen and I’m clearly getting mushy watching these couples getting to know each other.

I say message but he actually sent me an emoji of a fire engine, an emoji of flame and an an emoji of a heart.

“Ha! Oh hi mister, sorry I’ve had a mental week, how you doing?”

“Ah, a reply! No worries, been busy myself, just in the station now in the middle of a 12 hour shift, so thought I’d message you…. bout to go on a break”

“Good man, quenching fires and saving people from burning buildings but still had time to message me, I like it!”

“Ah it’s mostly rescuing kittens from trees and assisting ambulance crews nowadays”

The hot maitre D on first dates was speaking in french and talking about how people need to be bold to find true love. So I thought feck it…

“So do you reckon if I called 999 now they could send you over and we could go for a quick drink while you’re on your break?”

Suddenly my phone started ringing. He was whattsapp calling me. What the fuck!!

I sat up straight and went into full on panic mode. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. A guy hadn’t called me in years never mind one I hadn’t even met yet. What the fuck! I rejected the call and sent him this picture….


“Jeez man…this is 2015. I think we should at least have a drink first before we talk on the PHONE! That’s way too much commitment too soon :)”

“Hey don’t be shy …I won’t bite!”

“Ugh I’m not shy mate I just asked you out for a drink but I just hate those awkward stunted, mundane conversations with someone I haven’t met yet”

“Right we’ll have to get this date in the bag so, when are you free?”

“Cool, we’ll have to coordinate our busy diaries :)”

“Coordinate our busy diaries, see you are a poshie”

Hmm this Poshie business is starting to grate on me a little

“Ha ha I swear I’m not posh, far from it. But how about Saturday?”

Another peril of Tinder. Trying to find a date that suits within a reasonable time frame. If you set it too far away momentum gets lost and copious amount of suitors could have been swiped right in the time frame and suddenly the guy loses interest and the date just never happens. But I was starting to like this guy he seemed like a decent sort and I was having a dry spell so a date was well over due.

“Yeah cool Saturday works for me…looking forward to it Princess”

Sadly the date didn’t materialize that Saturday. I got a text from him that afternoon saying that he had his son and couldn’t get a baby sitter…..Hmmm not a great start but these things happen I guess. We had been texting in the days in between and he was funny, and gracious and full of compliments so I let it slide. We rescheduled for Tuesday.

The Date

Is for an entirely separate Blog entry. The Vegetable Man is coming soon….Right now I have to go get ready to meet my little 2 year old Valentine ! #luckygirl


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